


I thought the world would end but it didn't (let's face a new day together)

by AliceTraum



Series: Brentrick Alternative Universe [1]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Ryden, brentrick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 23:24:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6133681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceTraum/pseuds/AliceTraum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ryan and Jon left the band, Brendon felt betrayed by everyone. He only wants to forget about everything. About Ryan, the band and the world around him. But soon someone shows up, who wants to help him. Someone, Brendon never had thought would come to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I thought the world would end but it didn't (let's face a new day together)

Again the concert ended like this. He couldn’t explain it to anyone why he had these mental breakdowns on stage. Everything seems to fail after Ryan and Jon had left the band. He couldn’t explain why it hurted this much. Maybe because he had thought that Ryan loved him? Maybe because he had thought he would never leave him and that they stay a bad forever? It all was a lie, nothing more. Ryan had left him. With him did Jon. Spencer was the only one left for him.

Brendon leaned against the wall in his dressing room and sighed heavily. “Shit shit shit” he repeated over and over again.  In all these years he never had felt so bad. Sure other people had notice it, but he wouldn’t let them get closer to him. After all it was his problem and not the problem from someone else. Spencer was the only person who knew the whole true about his band and why Ryan and Jon had left. To other people just thought it was because Jon and Ryan wanted to do other things with the band, try a new genre of music and that Brendon and Spencer were against it. He would lie to other people about it. What should he even say when someone asked him about the true?

Another sigh escaped his lips as he watched his reflection in the mirror. He hasn’t slept for days and was overstressed with everything. Brendon closed his eyes and listened to the sounds from outside the door. The only good thing was that this tour was over, that he would return home and could stay there, trying to forget about everything, especially Ryan. And there were his thoughts again by the other. His bright smile and his shining eyes and-No, he wants to forget about it. He didn’t want to see him again, not after all this. The brunette stood up. In some hours he was home and would do everything just to forget him. Until then, he would put on a fake smile and act like nothing had happen.

Even when it would break him.

*

When he already arrived home, the first thing he did was to throw everything in the house and go to bed. He lay down and closed his eyes. It was silent. The only sound in the room was the noise of the clock and his own breathing. It has been a while since he was this silent. Spencer had suggested him to go to his place since Brendon’s was full with stuff from Ryan, but the brunette had told him, that it was fine. It wasn’t. Everything in the room reminded him of Ryan. He had tried to talk to him again, had tried to call him and send him a bunch of messages, but Ryan simply ignored him. It hurts.

He still remembers all the soft kisses they had and the way Ryan looked at him, the way he simply spent time with him. He lost everything.

Brendon didn’t know for how long he had laid there like this, with his face in the pillow in the dark. Maybe he had fallen asleep in between; he couldn’t remember. No matter what he tried, Ryan was still there in his mind. Why couldn’t he simply disappear? He was still there with all these good memories, with all these funny moments. All gone.

It took Brendon a while until he stood up, walking over to the cabinet where he kept all the bottles of alcohol, whiskey, beer, wine, vodka and other stuff. Never had he thought he would ever need any of this for such a situation.

He took the first bottle, opened it and started to drink. At first it hurted but soon the sore feeling came and it was a lot less hurtful. It was the only way to forget him. Sooner or later he would regret it, but not now.

*

Two weeks passed like this and nothing really changed. Brendon’s mind was still by Ryan, who probably had already forgotten him. In all this time Spencer had tried to talk to him, only to be pushed away again. “I don’t need help” he had told him before closing the door.

He needs help.

Brendon startled when someone was on his door, ringing nonstop. He had told Spencer to leave him alone, so why did he return back?

Annoyed Brendon went to the door to open it, just to see Patrick instead of Spencer. That was new.

“What do you want here?” Brendon asked annoyed. The blond ignored the question from the other and went inside, a frown on his face as he saw all the bottles on the ground. “Don’t tell me you drank them all by yourself Brendon” Patrick asked and turned around to look at Brendon who had lowered his gaze and was looking at the ground now. “Just leave me alone. Didn’t ask for some kind of babysitter to look after me dude” he mumbled before walking past Patrick to get the next bottle of whatever he could find. But he never did because Patrick grabbed his arm before and pulled him back so that he was directly in front of him. “Brendon…..what are you doing? Drinking yourself half to death? Why? Because the band broke up?” The blond asked him. Brendon didn’t dare to look at him because he knew when he would; Patrick would see the true in his eyes.

Patrick sighed and let go of Brendon’s arm. “Brendon, tell me, what’s wrong” He knew that something was wrong before, but hadn’t the time to talk to him.

The older one waited for an answer, but Brendon stayed quiet. He just looked to the ground, tried to think of a good lie he could tell Patrick, something that would be enough to make Patrick leave again, but he simply couldn’t think of something. His mind was dizzy from all the alcohol. “Fuck, just leave me alone!” he growled and tried to walk away again. Well, he tried. Because the moment when he wanted to walk away he had a strange feeling and suddenly his foods left the ground.  So far he hadn’t notice how much alcohol he had drunk. Everything turned black. The last thing he heard was how Patrick called his name.

*

_There was he again, with him. His oh-so-sweet-smile that made his heart beating faster and this voice which was like music for him and the way he looked at him. He was sure, this must be love. The other took his hand softly and pulled him closer just to kiss him on the lips. There was a warm feeling inside of Brendon. He liked it. After some time Ryan pulled away with a small smile on his lips, his cheeks in a light pink. Gosh, he was so adorable! Brendon smiled back at him. Ryan said something, but his words were not clear to understand and the picture of him started to get blurry. “Ryan! Please don’t leave me! Fuck, stay please!” he yelled._

*

Brendon woke up, feeling his heart beating heavily in his chest. What had happen? It took him some minutes to notice that he was already awake. It was dark in his room. How long have he slept? He couldn’t tell. He shook his head before he started to remember what had happen before everything went black.

In this moment the door opened and Patrick pecked in, a small smile on his lips. “Are you alright Brendon?” he asked. When Brendon had felt better he had probably took the pillow and had thrown it at the other. “Why are you still here?” he asked in return and only earned an annoyed eye-roll from the other. “Because you need help and no one is willing to help you, so I will help you.” Brendon groaned and hid under his blanket. That was the last thing he needed. Someone who’s going to stay here and try to help him getting through everything. He doesn’t need anyone

He needs someone.

Patrick walked over to him and sat at the edge of the bed and watched the brunette for a moment. “Tell me the true Brendon. What have happen between you and Ryan?” he asked in a calm voice. The brunette froze for a moment. So, Patrick noticed that it was about him and Ryan and not about the music. Did Spencer tell him something? This bastard! Brendon almost throw the blanket away.

Once more Brendon feels betrayed, betrayed by everyone. He had trusted Spencer as much as he had trusted Ryan and Jon. These three were so important to him, but now it felt like they ever felt the same way, that they just played around with Brendon’s feelings and used him for their own success. Why would they even care about him?

Patrick noticed Brendon’s sad expression on his face and sighed. He didn’t mean to upset Brendon with this question, but at least he was right about the fact that it was between him and Ryan and not something else. Later he would ask the younger one more about it, right now he wouldn’t get any answer. Brendon was about to stand up as Patrick put an arm on his shoulder and showed him to stay in bed. “You should take a little nap and drink a lot of water.” The brunette rolled his eyes annoyed and Patrick knew that he would complain. “Please, do it for me, okay?” “Fine, fine” Brendon muttered. He didn’t know what Patrick wanted to do or what his plan was.  They haven’t talked this much so it wondered him even more. When it was Pete it wouldn’t be this much of a surprise, since he and Pete had talked much more, but maybe Pete had sent him?

 He would ask later, for now his mind was somewhere else again.

Patrick stood up and left the room; closed the door behind him. So it was about Ryan. The blond thought for a moment. What should he do? The best and first thing was to throw everything that could remind Brendon at Ryan away or give it back to Ryan, but in the other hand he wasn’t sure how Brendon would react to it. Maybe he should call Pete? After all the black haired male have spent more time with Brendon than he had. So without hesitating he took out his phone and dials his number, waited for the other to pick it up.

It took a while until he could hear Pete’s voice at the other side of the phone. “Hey Trick, What’s up?” Pete asked happily until he remembered where Patrick was. “Oh, sorry. Did something happen?”

“No, but I need your help. I want to give Ryan his things back. Can you help me with putting all his things in a box and maybe bring it to him?” Patrick asked, hoped that Brendon wouldn’t hear him. He would probably freak out when he hear about Patrick’s plan.

It was quiet. Pete probably thought about what to say. Patrick couldn’t blame him for this. Even after what had happen, Pete was still a friend of Ryan. They didn’t talk this much anymore, but when Ryan needed someone to vent to, he was there for him.

“Okay, I help you. Just take care that the kid don’t get angry for this” Pete sighed and was about to end the call. Just before he could, Patrick cleared his throat. “Hey, thanks Pete” he mumbled.

Brendon lies in bed with closed eyes. His head hurted. “Fuck you and your dumb ideas Patrick” he mumbled more to himself. Sure he hadn’t heard the other, but when he would, he won’t be this happy about it.

With a groan he turned around, so that he laid on his right side.  The last time he had felt that bad was on one of his parties. It was one of the parties for the band. Jon and Spencer were somewhere with some girls while Ryan and Brendon sat on the table and had way too many drinks. It was the night that changed everything.

_They were so drunk and had laughed about every little dumb joke. Ryan had the sweetest smile on his face as he leaned closer to Brendon to whisper something in his ear, so that no one else could hear him. It was just some words, probably meant as a joke, but somehow his voice didn’t sound like he was joking. “Are….are you serious about this?” Brendon asked confused as Ryan pulled away. His smile never left his face. “I am” The younger one stayed quiet for a moment. Maybe it was really just the alcohol, but there was it again. The warm feeling that made him almost insane every time. Without even waiting for an answer, Ryan had grabbed his hand and had pulled him into another room, far away from the things that happened on the party. No one had seen them until on the next day._

Brendon decided it was the best to fall asleep, trying to forget about all these things. It hurted anyway to remember anything right now and to sleep might even help his head to calm down a little. He had so many things he wanted to forget right now, but he couldn’t. Not even the alcohol helped him to forget all these painful memories. Why were they still there to torture him? Was everything he had done so far this wrong? Why hadn’t he seen the things that had happen behind closed door not earlier? Why he was so dumb and had fallen for someone like Ryan? God knows.

And in times like this, the only real friend he had left was his bed and all the bottles of alcohol. He didn’t have so bad mental breakdowns. This was the worst he ever had.

Some minutes passed and he was still laying there, eyes closed, but not sleeping yet. Quietly he listened to the ticking clock, which was on the wall and the footsteps Patrick made. It was strange. That almost sounded like he was seeking for something and was moving some things around, but Brendon didn’t care about it right now. He doesn’t have any interesting things anyway, so he wasn’t afraid that Patrick could maybe find something.  Was there anything that he needs to worry about? No, not really.

Soon the noises stopped, or at least it was what Brendon thought. His mind got dizzy and he wasn’t able to open his eyes again. Slowly but surely he fell asleep.

Patrick on the other hand was busy with finding all the stuff that belongs to Ryan. It wasn’t even this difficult to find out what belongs to him and what not. Ryan’s stuff was just really different from Brendon’s, which wasn’t surprising at all. The blond frowned when he found some sheets of paper. Carefully he started to read them. It was a song text and from the handwriting he could say it was something Brendon had wrote. The song had a really deep lyric. _‘Why have they never played any of Brendon’s songs?’_ the blond thought to himself as he put the sheets of paper carefully on the desk and continued with his plan. Was this another reason why Ryan and Jon had left? Because they had a fight over who should write the songs and which one get played? It was all weird for him, no matter how he turned it around; it never made any sense. No one had ever mentioned that Brendon wrote some lyrics too. Pete had always just said that it was Ryan and oh how good his lyrics were and stuff like this. Maybe Pete wasn’t this innocent in the whole thing too? But somehow he doubts that he was a reason why Jon and Ryan had left. There must be something worser to make them leave. When Fall Out Boy went on hiatus, they had some problems too, which was even the cause for the hiatus. It was more of a little, silly fight between him and Pete. Andy and Joe weren’t able to stand any longer with these two and this was how they had decided that it was better when everyone takes a break from the band.

Why haven’t they thought about something like this? Taking a little break from the band instead leaving it forever?

Patrick shook his head as he looked at the clock. Pete would be here soon and help him with all this stuff. Hopefully nothing would get wrong.

 

 

 


End file.
